Idiot Encounters

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like I've dealt with more idiots than normal today and it inspired me to vent to this listening ear I call a blog. 

Much of my job involves customer service, and I'm pretty good at it if I can trust my customer's candid and unsolicited positive feedback.  But some people sure try my patience.

The following situations describe most of the idiot encounters at my job.  I attribute my positive service record to only thinking the following responses instead of saying them.  (Actually, I do say them, to myself.  It helps, a little.) 

Some context: my office is in a parking garage.  Like, literally inside the garage, in a little enclosed room.  I am not an attendant; I just happen to work by entry/exit gates which are fully automated and get a front row seat to the idiocy and sometimes get called upon to save people from themselves.

Situation #1:

Customer forgest to pay for monthly parking and uses the excuse "Life's been crazy".

What I don't say (but really want to):

And... how is that relevant to the situation?  "Crazy life" is not an excuse. It is the human condition. It will never change, so plan for it and pay on time like everyone else.  (The only person I authorized to use this excuse was the girl who missed a payment because she fell on glass and severed two tendons and an artery in her wrist.  Now THAT's an excuse.)

Situation #2:

Customer tells me he lost his parking ticket.  I tell him to push the lost ticket button on his way out and pay the daily max ($12).  He says he was only parked for 10 minutes.

 

What I don't say (but really want to):

Wow, then that means you are REALLY dumb for losing your little ticket in only 10 minutes, huh?  You shall be properly punished when you pay to leave.

Situation #3:

Monthly parker gets card turned off for non-payment and get's irritated that "it's only the 10th", like I'm asking for his money way before it's due.

What I don't say (but really want to):

Well, sir, payment was due on the 1st.  It has always been due on the 1st.  And it will always be due on the 1st.  You got your invoice on the 20th of last month.  I gave you 10 day grace period.  That means you have had 21 days to pay.  You work for a bank, have a personal assistant, drive a Jaguar, and you're apparently an idiot.  I fear for your clients.  Now pay for your parking and leave me alone.

Situation #4:

People drive cars into the concrete partition.

I don't have to say anything.  These idiots never complain to me because figure out they're idiots on their own. 

Of course, there are more idiot types than those listed above.  There are a lot of people who don't look at the signs showing them how to insert their tickets and credit cards properly (they always look sheepish  when I come turn the card over). 

Plenty who only carry an old credit card with barely any mag strip left and act annoyed when the card doesn't work. 

Those who don't read signs and enter after 4pm (when the rate is a flat $4) who think they're being overcharged when they only stay an hour and so try to get out free.  (It never works, btw).

A few who don't wait for the gate to lift before plowing into it.  (This is a primary reason we got security cameras.)

And then, like today, there are the people (TWO within seconds of each other this afternoon) who don't pay attention to the clearance height restriction and knock down the clearance bar-- and then act annoyed that it did damage to their cargo tub on top of the vehicle.  My reply for that: Nobody made you park here.   Actually, we'd rather you didn't park here which is why we put up a sign.  Now go away, please.

Glad to get that off my chest.  I feel better already.  It's amazing what a few italics can do for the soul. 

Anyone got a good idiot enounter to share with the class?