Idiot Encounters

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like I've dealt with more idiots than normal today and it inspired me to vent to this listening ear I call a blog. 

Much of my job involves customer service, and I'm pretty good at it if I can trust my customer's candid and unsolicited positive feedback.  But some people sure try my patience.

The following situations describe most of the idiot encounters at my job.  I attribute my positive service record to only thinking the following responses instead of saying them.  (Actually, I do say them, to myself.  It helps, a little.) 

Some context: my office is in a parking garage.  Like, literally inside the garage, in a little enclosed room.  I am not an attendant; I just happen to work by entry/exit gates which are fully automated and get a front row seat to the idiocy and sometimes get called upon to save people from themselves.

Situation #1:

Customer forgest to pay for monthly parking and uses the excuse "Life's been crazy".

What I don't say (but really want to):

And... how is that relevant to the situation?  "Crazy life" is not an excuse. It is the human condition. It will never change, so plan for it and pay on time like everyone else.  (The only person I authorized to use this excuse was the girl who missed a payment because she fell on glass and severed two tendons and an artery in her wrist.  Now THAT's an excuse.)

Situation #2:

Customer tells me he lost his parking ticket.  I tell him to push the lost ticket button on his way out and pay the daily max ($12).  He says he was only parked for 10 minutes.

 

What I don't say (but really want to):

Wow, then that means you are REALLY dumb for losing your little ticket in only 10 minutes, huh?  You shall be properly punished when you pay to leave.

Situation #3:

Monthly parker gets card turned off for non-payment and get's irritated that "it's only the 10th", like I'm asking for his money way before it's due.

What I don't say (but really want to):

Well, sir, payment was due on the 1st.  It has always been due on the 1st.  And it will always be due on the 1st.  You got your invoice on the 20th of last month.  I gave you 10 day grace period.  That means you have had 21 days to pay.  You work for a bank, have a personal assistant, drive a Jaguar, and you're apparently an idiot.  I fear for your clients.  Now pay for your parking and leave me alone.

Situation #4:

People drive cars into the concrete partition.

I don't have to say anything.  These idiots never complain to me because figure out they're idiots on their own. 

Of course, there are more idiot types than those listed above.  There are a lot of people who don't look at the signs showing them how to insert their tickets and credit cards properly (they always look sheepish  when I come turn the card over). 

Plenty who only carry an old credit card with barely any mag strip left and act annoyed when the card doesn't work. 

Those who don't read signs and enter after 4pm (when the rate is a flat $4) who think they're being overcharged when they only stay an hour and so try to get out free.  (It never works, btw).

A few who don't wait for the gate to lift before plowing into it.  (This is a primary reason we got security cameras.)

And then, like today, there are the people (TWO within seconds of each other this afternoon) who don't pay attention to the clearance height restriction and knock down the clearance bar-- and then act annoyed that it did damage to their cargo tub on top of the vehicle.  My reply for that: Nobody made you park here.   Actually, we'd rather you didn't park here which is why we put up a sign.  Now go away, please.

Glad to get that off my chest.  I feel better already.  It's amazing what a few italics can do for the soul. 

Anyone got a good idiot enounter to share with the class? 

Change

"I have always believed that in the lives of individuals, just as in society at large, the profoundest changes take place within a very reduced time frame.  When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait.  Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny."

Author's note, The Devil and Miss Prym by Paulo Coelho

I started reading this new book the other day.  I encountered the above quote at the end of the author's note at the beginning.  The truth of the statement struck me quite forcefully.  I've found myself returning to reread it over and over. I thought about it so much I sort of didn't care to start the actual story for a while.

I feel like all of the most "profound" changes in my life took place in relatively short periods of time.  This is not to stay that all significant changes occurred quickly because, of course, some things simply cannot be shortened.  But the changes that stick most in my mind, and therefore I consider most profound, were choices suddenly imposed upon me.  Those moments certainly challenged my courage and forced themselves upon me in such a way to demand a response.  Indeed, I could not ignore their presence, nor could I delay my decision out of un-readiness because as it says above, "the challenge will not wait."

I suppose if we did expect sudden challenges before they arrived, and if they were drawn out over a period of time, their impact would not be so indelible in our lives.  They are all the more significant and memorable precisely because they are sudden, unexpected, and jarring.  It's a lot easier to remember fire is hot once you get burned.

Since I cannot predict when such sudden moments of decision are going to occur, all the more reason to be prepared for whatever comes.  All the more reason to make intermediate decisions every day that I can control.  All the more reason to stick to morals and goals and beliefs and other tried and tested frameworks to guide my life to minimize stress and maximize making the decision that is matches who I am and/or want to become.

Laundry List

Well, I'm back.  It was great.  Too much to really blog about in its entirety, so here is a laundry list of things I liked, learned, or did.  If I get enough feedback to expand on one I will.

• Aer Lingus has nice planes, but bring a coat for the flight because they keep the temperature at freezing, more or less.
• All the museums are closed on Mondays in Milan.  Use that day to travel, not sightsee.  We learned this in Milan, on a Monday.
• If you do find yourself with nothing to do on a Monday in Milan, there's a great bench at the Castello Sforzesco that's perfect for taking naps.
• I am quite the navigator as long as I have a map and a public transportation pass.  Just call me GPS.
• Italy is very hot in the summer.  And humid.  Don't plan on looking cute if you go in the summer, unless you think sweat is cute.
• The Italian countryside really looks like you'd imagine it on a postcard: rolling hills covered in green orchards and vinyards and pastures of farm animals.
• The best gelato in the world is in San Gimignano.  Not even kidding.  World Gelato Champions twice.
• Michelanelo's David= awesome
• I have Rennaisance crush on Brunelleschi-an architecture.  I climbed his Dome in Florence.  I CLIMED BRUNELLESCHI'S DOME!  THAT IS SOO COOl!
• The Bell Tower in Pisa leans.  It looks like it is peeking out behind the church, kind of like "Andy popping into frame"
• St. Peter's is SO BIG.  Like, you have no idea.  So big.  And amazing.
• The Pantheon is free!  Yah!  And in the top 5 coolest buildings I've ever been in.  And I've been in some cool buildings.
• Florence has way better shopping than Rome.  Do all your shopping in Florence.
• I'm sorry if you had European plans thwarted by the France air workers strike on July 21.  You can blame Mom and I for that.  Probably more mom than me because she has a history of causing things like that.
• Ireland is not hot in the summer.  It's perfect.
• Ireland also looks like a postcard.
• Checked another World Heritage site off my list: The Giant's Causeway.  Look it up and be jealous.
• Ireland has better breakfast than Italy.  Maybe because it's lacking the ridiculous amounts of carbohydrates.  The bacon is to die for.  Literally.  It's all fatty and delicious!
• Linen is cool! 
• Quakers are very nice people. 

Business Trip

I took a trip to Oakland, CA, last week for my new job to train with the office people who have been doing my job so that I can now do my job. I work for DPW Parking, and offshoot of Douglas Parking headquartered in Oakland. My brother Luke is their Denver Regional manager, and I’m the Denver office manager/account manager/assistant [to the] regional manager. The girls in the Oakland office taught me how to use their system to do invoicing and billing for all the monthly parking accounts in Denver. (You don’t need to understand what that means.)


In case you didn’t know, parking management is big business. I didn’t know until I got this job. (In passing, I realize I have a habit of doing things with knowing exaclty what I'm getting into.  I think it makes life exciting.)  David Douglas, one of the company owners, picked me up after I flew in and took me on a mini-tour of downtown. He pointed out unique features and buildings of Oakland…and their associated parking facilities that Douglas Parking manages. It’s very interesting to be around people in parking. They always notice parking lots: who runs them, how full they are, rates. It’s similar to watching a sport with someone who plays the game. They will always notice technique and mistakes that the untrained spectator will not. A player doesn’t just see the touchdown; he sees the awesome block by the offensive line that opened the hole for the tight end to run through.

I have discovered that parking management is an exercise in predicting human behavior. And it’s kind of fascinating. Not the managing part, but observing the people who do the managing. They don’t just see a place to park. They see how full lots are, and if they aren’t full, why not? If some lot is usually full, why isn’t it full today?  Where are people parking instead?  How can we change that?  An empty lot is an anomaly, and anomalies can seem paralyzing. Where is the miscommunication? Do we need a sign? What kind of sign? Will people understand the sign? Initiate panic mode! (Not really…but sometimes.) They are trying to predict human behavior—predict where people will park and why they will park and for how long—and when their prediction is wrong they are in a flutter to rectify their worldview. 

I use this information to understand how to communicate effectively.  I have to evaluate what people tell me, why they tell me, and what they don't tell me (what they don't tell me is presumably what I should already know).  I do not have a parking manager's brain (and I don't really want one; don't take it personally, Luke) but I do want to understand the parking manager's brain.  Actually, I must if I want to keep my job.


For those of you who wonder when and where I will ever use my anthropology, the answer is I already do, all the time, everywhere.

Fieldwork

As an anthropologist, I'm drawn to make initial conclusions regarding my new environment in as I seek to gain rapport with the native population.  Here's what I have so far:

• People in Colorado drive very slowly.  I noticed all the more because I just moved from Utah where you are going too slow if you aren't 10+ over the speed limit (not me, of course; I'm too afraid of getting a ticket).  I understand if traffic or the weather is bad, but when there are only four cars on a sun-drenched four lane highway?  They must not be in a hurry to go anywhere.  I feel like a speed racer as I zoom by people at the speed limit.

• Little boys are much different house-mates than 20-something girls.  I forget what it's like to live with small children.  It's exhausting, especially since I'm the novelty, so they are always checking to see what I'm doing.  If it looks boring, they want to play basketball instead.  (If we could harness the energy of small children we wouldn't have an energy crisis.)

• Colorado is NOT in a drought.  It has rained every day but 3 I think since I arrived.  And it snowed 3 inches my first or second day of work.  I have learned that many people keep a jacket, ice scraper, and umbrella in their cars year-round.  I now do too.

• "Parking management" has its own language, which I am slowly learning.  I now know what "process this application for JC, send an AR to Marlene and then lets go check the booth at Wynkoop after you scan the BD" means.

• Three-year-olds also have their own language.  I am not learning it slowly.  Or at all.  I usually defer to a translator.

• Singles Wards are all the same.  Going to the ward here has been the easiest transition for me to adapt to.  First day at church I found the guy who sits in front and answers all the questions in Sunday School, the very eligible nice-guy in a position of authority who nobody seems to know why is still single, the funny-man and his entourage, the bubbly RS president who already remembers my name, the wife of a counselor with a hobby of setting up single people, and the handful of chill people who are ready to adopt me as an insider.  Per usual, every meeting starts 10 minutes late, and the "cool" people don't get there for another five.  I'm still that new girl who seems nice and goes to activities, but not everyone has met or remembers my name.  It's a label I can handle.  I like being new because you always have an excuse if you don't know what is going on.  "I'm new" inspires both compassion and curiosity, both excellent ice breakers.