Schrödinger's cat, my birthday, and baby things. It doesn't have to make sense.

Schrödinger's cat is a thought experiment. To dumb it down, Austrian physicist Schrödinger presents a scenario where a cat may be alive or dead, depending on an earlier random event.  Until you observe the cat to actually see whether it is alive or dead, you have to assume it's simultaneously alive and dead.

We didn't find out if our baby is a boy or girl.  It doesn't bother me at all because until baby comes out and we can see if it's a boy or girl, we get to assume it's both a boy and a girl and have all the fun of anticipating both for 9 months.  Our baby is Schrödinger's cat.

We really have no indication of whether baby is a boy or girl.  No feelings, dreams, inclinations, or preferences sway us one way or another.  We really just want a healthy baby.  We're prepared for both and will be happy with either. I'm really glad I don't get to pick.  I have a hard enough time deciding what to eat for lunch.  BTW, we think all the tips, tricks, and old wives tales for guessing are BS, so don't even go there.

I'm at 37.5 weeks, so baby is full term and may show up anytime between now and Spring Break.  Five weeks is a huge margin for normal delivery timing. It's 12.5% of the length of an average pregnancy.  It boggles my mind.  Baby is all ready to go.  S/he's been head down since about 19 weeks and dropped over 2 weeks ago if my bladder is a reliable indicator.  This is my husband's child for sure. He's always prepared for everything well in advance.  Even if his exit isn't for miles he'll get in the right hand lane even if traffic is slower there just to be ready.  He joked last week that baby simply identified the exit and got in the right lane early.  I laughed so hard from the truth of the statement I almost coughed up a lung.

I've been so sick the last couple weeks.  I was doing so well and then bam!  Worst cold of my life.  All those things people say about how miserable it is to be sick and pregnant are all true.  Comes on easier, stronger, and stays around longer.  Not cool.  My only consolation is supposing that all this coughing has helped strengthen my sorry abdominal muscles and will aid in delivery.  I'm happy to report I'm finally feeling much better.

I was sick over my birthday this year.  Which is fine because per usual, my husband had to work that night.  Not like I would have spent my evening any different if he hadn't.  I've pretty much spent the last 10 evenings on the couch watching the Olympics, blowing my nose, and getting up to pee during every commercial break and/or special athlete highlight. I did get to have a little fun. We went out to breakfast (I had bacon pancakes.  BACON PANCAKES.) after a morning prenatal appointment, my coworker brought me cake and flowers at work, and I got a email birthday greeting from my local dentist.

Don't ask me how old I am. I legitimately can't remember most of the time and having a birthday just complicated it.

2013 Christmas Letter

I felt like a Christmas letter would be an appropriately "grown up" thing to do, now that I have a husband, baby in utero, 401K, and real furniture. But I'm still in a poor, young, pregnant-with-a-student-husband stage  of life so I hope you excuse my using a free resource to distribute it.  (Postage is a luxury, folks.)

Right off the bat in 2013 we got two new nephews!  In the words of their father, they came too late for a 2012 tax break and New Years baby prizes, but they are still loved.  We had to wait till my brother-in-law's wedding in the summer to meet them, but it was cool because by then they were in a fun learning-how-to-crawl phase and laughed at all our jokes.

We took a fun trip to Durango, CO, for a long spring break weekend in March and per tradition, I got sick.  I felt it coming on the day before but I was scared to admit it to my husband because I didn't want justify the family cliche.  No hospital trip, but there was lots of congestion and nose-blowing.  I survived, and we managed to fit in a historic train trip to the mountains, delicious food, a snowmobiling tour, hot springs, and a movie.  Not usually something I point out, but our hotel had the most impressive free continental breakfast I've ever encountered. Two words: Belgian waffles.

Much of this year, especially summer, was highlighted with weddings of families and friends.  Each of us had a brother get married over summer and it was great to travel and see each of our families.  I also took a quick weekend trip by myself while my husband was taking his summer finals to attend the wedding of one of my best friends from high school.  It felt like a early high school reunion in a really fun and awesome way.  I probably don't even need to go back for the real one.

In between the summer weddings I spent my time trying to not throw up and patting myself on the back when I made it to work before 10AM.  First trimester is the pits, yo. I've had a classic and healthy pregnancy, though the whole nesting thing is still foreign.  Isn't that instinct supposed to kick in by now?  We walked through the baby section at Target last week and after 5 minutes my husband had to quickly steer me elsewhere.  I was so overwhelmed I stopped forming complete sentences.

Speaking of my husband, if all goes as planned he should be done with school by this time next year.  He studies industrial design and this last semester he designed some really cool stuff. His final project was a bassinet for Baby Hopkins which we're excited to use.  He still works nights while I work days, but while he's on break between semesters we get to see each other every morning before I go to work since he doesn't have to leave early for class and that's awesome.

Another nephew made his debut a couple weeks before Thanksgiving.  He's grandchild #9 for my parents.  I'm glad our kiddo (who shall be #10) will have cousins close in age on both sides of the family.

I was thinking about the last few Christmases, this Christmas, and Christmases to come.  When I was a kid, Christmas tradition wrapped the season in a sense of comforting sameness.  The last few years have each been very different than I'm used to, and I'm resigned to it evolving each year going forward, but I find the happy feeling of giving and love and family sticks around no matter what.  May it be so with all of you.

Love, Me

Token family picture Christmas Sunday, 2013

I'm going to educate you

I'm a little disappointed nobody actually answered the question, except for the two who just asked another question in turn (namely, "You're head is missing?" and "You've gained some weight?").

Guys, the answer to my question should be yes.

And by golly, why shouldn't I look different?  I've been working for every inch.  It's disheartening to be steamrolled by those who think they are doing me a favor by discounting my size when they are really making me feel like there is something wrong, or like I am some kind of wimp for feeling large and tired but only producing small results, or I'm flat out lying about being pregnant.

FACT: the 26 week gestation baby inside the woman who looks ready to give birth is just as large as the baby inside the woman who looks like she's doing a poor job hiding a football under her shirt.  And both women are uncomfortable.

Just like you should never ask a woman if she's pregnant, don't ever comment on her size (after her pregnancy is independently or voluntarily confirmed, of course).  No matter her size or gestation, 99% of the time you'll sound like a douche-bag to her when presumably you don't mean to. Err on the side of telling her you're happy for her and hope everything is healthy.

No matter how it looks from the outside, carrying a practicing human in the uterus is uncomfortable at every stage, so give all pregnant women credit for what they are accomplishing.  At the end of the day, they are making people with their bodies and everyone else is not.

For all other questions people need to stop asking, this article sums many up nicely.

Now that I've preemptively returned the favor of giving unsolicited advice, your reward for reading it, i.e. answers to the questions I know you wanted to ask:

• Due date: March 8, aka 26 weeks gestation
• Baby's sex unknown by choice.  Yes, this was a rational decision.  No, I have neither a suspicion nor a preference if it's a male or female. No, I don't have a problem calling Baby "it".
• Yes, both of us are healthy.
• Yes, husband and I are excited.
• Yes, Baby moves a lot. Within the last week it can reach my ribs when I'm seated.
• Yes, we have several names lined up.  I'm not sharing here but you can ask if you see me.
• Yes, I'll take maternity leave from work, but no I don't know what I'll do afterward.
• No, I'm not sick anymore.
• I'm 21 weeks in the blue-dress picture.  I have a more recent picture but it looks like a prison photo.  Since I'm not in the habit of publicly distributing ugly pictures of myself, if you want to know what I look like, look at the blue dress picture and imagine me slightly bigger.
• Sadly, the basil is dead.  It was a seasonal plant, anyway....